Not so Strange
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: I've seen some strange things in my day. Done a few more. But playing with TIME? Now that's a new one! Forget fate! Destroy destiny! I say bring it on! What's the worst that could happen? What could possibly go wrong? Or right? Maybe something in between? Life is Strange or so they say. Not so Strange for me, I think! NarutoxChloexMaxRachel! Part of the Not Going Home series!
1. Warped Prologue

**A/N: VIVA LA REQUEST YEARS! I did say I'd do a Not Going Home version of this, did I not? In the end it was simply too tempting to pass up. This is going a COMPLETELY different direction from "Life is Ramen" by the way. And by different direction I mean absolute plot-fucking-hilarity and INSANITY.**

 **ALSO!  
**

 **We've now got an annoying little twat known as Mizorebatj who apparently wants me to kill myself. Funny how he happened to show up RIGHT after I called out a certain anonymous hater. What has he said, you ask? Well, this for starters:**

 _"You are garbage and anyone who likes your shit deserves to die."_

 **Fun fellow, isn't he? His reviews literally consist of senseless hate as well as chanting "Kys" over and over again. I can only assume that means kill yourself. He also smacked my recent fic "Life is Ramen" with his hateful words, too. Read the review section there if you don't believe me. He's even blocked PM's to himself so no one can get back at him.**

 **Now, that DID make me very upset, but then I realized something.**

 **THIS IS FANFICTION. Our. Fiction. Not yours. You do NOT dictate how we write~!**

 **Mizore, dude, for every one person like you, I have a THOUSAND others backing me up, telling me not to quit. I can't please anyone, but its bullies like you that give humanity a bad name. So, sorry, I won't be "do the world a favor and die" anytime soon, or at all for that matter. Go ahead and hate all you like, but at the end of the day, you're just adding to my review count! So that is all I have to say about THAT.**

 **U mad, bro?**

 **If he starts to harass anyone else, I suggest you report him as I and the rest of my fanbase have. We don't have to stand for this kind of foul behavior!**

 **I wouldn't be surprised if he tries attack me again, but what you gonna do? Haters gonna hate.**

 **Oh, and Mizore? Your constant hate only belittles you and you alone.**

 **...**

 **Now, off we go! I tease many different things here!**

 **And let's clear something up.**

 **Time-wise, this chapter starts during the events of Life is Strange shortly after Max gains her powers...**

 _"_ _You just had to mess with reality again, didn't you?"_

 _...I have furthered the cause of girl on girl."_

 _"What is that supposed to mean, oi?"_

 _"It means my work here is done!"_

 _~?_

 **Timey Wimey**

 _Well._

 _I think I may just accidentally broke another universe._

 _Wait, wait, **WAIT!**_

 _Its not my fault!_

 _I can explain!_

 _Really!_

 _So here's what happened. After a few days of poking and prodding with various universes to varying degrees, I honestly found myself getting bored. Hell,_ _I even stuck my head into other realms with OTHER versions of myself for shits and giggles. And boy, wasn't that a mess! Ever fought a deity on equal footing? No? I fought one! And his wife! At the same time! Pretty sure the three of us ended up warping most a galaxy before we finally called a truce. If you can call a "I got my balls ground to paste by an angry demoness-turned-goddess" a truce, that is. To that, I say only this:_

 _Fear Xanna._

 _FEAR her, I say!_

 _Run away no jutsu!_

 _The Reaching for a Dream universe is DANGEROUS! I'm never going back there again! Nope! Noping that something fierce!_

 _So, in lieu of actually dying, I decided to venture back into the realm of video games. Again. This time, I wasn't just searching for something fun to do, but someone. See, getting my ass handed to me made me realize something. Other than the fact that I'm not fond of fire._

 _Y'see, I don't have a_ _n equal, myself._

 _I mean, Indy and Diny are sweet and Esdeath's powerful and all and Miya can kick my ass when it comes to swordsmanship. Don't get me wrong. I love 'em to bits. I love the rest of my girls too, but, none of them are really a peer when it comes to strength and ability. If I ever got into another tussle with someone who either matched or exceeded my power, they wouldn't be able to help me in time. That's when I got to thinking about it. TIME. The strongest weapon there is! And as luck would have it, a little bird just happened to know the perfect place where I could find such a time-wielder in this universe. Life is Strange, she called it. Not so Strange for me, but still!_

 _Time travel is an interesting thing, wouldn't you agree?_

 _So when I felt someone messing with the very fabric of reality as we knew it, I just HAD to take a peek._

 _And I found a rather interesting gem this time around!_

 _Of course said gem would later break reality._

 _Meh._

 _I._

 _Regret._

 _NOTHING!_

 _Long live the Log!_

 _But hey, lets start from the beginning..._

* * *

 _(...A Heartbeat Later...)_

* * *

"Psst! Hey! Maxy! Over here!"

Max Caulfield nearly jumped out of her _skin_ as a clawed finger reached across the class and poked her in the back. Realizing she'd become capable of messing with time was one thing, but the sudden, jarring poke in the shoulder nearly sent her tumbling out of her seat and facefirst into the desk!

 _'What the heck?'_

Only sheer incredulity prevented the college student from yelping outright. It did not, however, prevent her from jerking around in her seat and rounding upon the unfamiliar voice. A second passed. Then another, and another, and another still, her brown eyes still fixated upon the newcomer in the seat opposite her. At first, she didn't understand what she was looking at. The world seemed to have slowed to a crawl around her, as if someone had simply reached into reality and pressed pause.

There was Mister Jefferson, his mouth frozen in a question that, by now, she already knew the answer to.

She could see Kate hanging her head, preparing to flinch as a paper ball hurtled towards her face.

Someone had raised their hand, fingers frozen against each other.

Even the clock itself had ceased to move, its hands rigid and

Somehow, she was the only one aware of it.

"Did...Did I do this?"

 _"No, that was me."_

Max turned her head.

Blinked.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

In the end all she managed was a flat-sounding:

 _"What."_

Merry bright blue eyes, gazed back at her, whiskered cheeks, pinked in an cheery grin. A pair of glimmering red horns jutted up violently from his otherwise pale saffron hair, lending him an almost demonic appearance as his gazed back at her with thinly veiled amusement.

In place of where Victoria once sat a young man now crouched, arms folded in voluminous sleeves.

"Yo!" A hand waved lazily from within said sleeves. "So, you're the one whose been messing around with time? You're...not what I expected, really. I thought I'd be dealing with a witch or something. But you? You look about as harmless as a fluffy little kitten. Not that there's anything wrong with that, ya know!" he grinned, flashing pearly white teeth. "But hey, I've been through this shtick too many times to count by now, so lets cut the dramatics and introduce ourselves, neh?"

His palm twitched, extending forward.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Naruto Uzumaki. Multiverse deity. Mind not freaking out, dattebayo?"

Incredibly, she found herself obeying.

"Great!" the now-named blond grinned. "Now its your turn." Expectant azure eyes turned towards her. "Shake?"

"I'm not a dog!"

Naruto blinked.

"Of course you're not." a flicker of annoyance danced through the dark depths of his eyes, gone when she looked straight at him. "I'm trying to treat you as an equal." he clarified, extending his arm another inch. "Now, would you kindly shake my damn hand so we can continue the story?"

"Oh. Wait, story?"

A cheeky grin plucked at those whiskered cheeks.

"Yes, a story." he elucidated, laughing. "The author is but a slave to my whims. He writes what I wish him to!"

A beat of silence passed between them.

"What...are you, exactly?"

"I'm not going to use the horny joke." the blond deadpanned. "Nope!"

"Fine. What did you do with Victoria?"

"I may have dumped her in the bay." the deity replied offhandedly. "Meh, she'll live. I think."

Max couldn't help herself.

She snorted.

"You think?"

"Hey, I'm not good with math. I don't know what terminal velocity is these days."

 _'That's it. I'm going crazy. I must be. This is all a bad dream..._

"Not a dream, mad Max." Naruto chimed. "You're woefully sane. A pity really." his grin grew as her eyes widened. "I find its always the quiet ones that snap the hardest. Oh, I could tell you some stories, there!"

"How did you...?!"

"God, remember?" a clawed finger rose, tapping his forehead. "Telepathy's pretty basic for me."

"You expect me to believe you're...god." she frowned.

"Yup. Well, not the god of this universe. They're dicks."

...huh."

"You don't believe me." he took her skepticism in stride, levering himself up off the desk and chair. "Its alright, most people don't. But you will."

His blue eyes seemed to dance with mirth, distracted yet focused all at once, paying no notice to their surroundings whatsoever. It gave her a chance to realize what the _hell_ was going on, here. His state of dress was almost comical in its absurdity and outlandishness; she didn't see a single matching piece anywhere amongst his odd attire.

He couldn't have been stood out more if he tried.

All violet and pewter sleeves with light scarlet plating scattered haphazardly near the joints and other odd places, random bits of armor flowing up past a strange belt with strange cerulean-colored spheres tethered around his waist and an equally strange metal cylinder, all the way up to a garishly white-washed breastplate, a strange metal piece that seemed to shift and waver into different colors when she looked at it directly. If Max had to guess, he looked as though he just walked out of one of those eccentric anime-cons.

What was it with this guy and bright colors?

 _Could you possible make more of a statement?_

And there, tethered to his back by a thick orange-of course it was orange!-strap and, somehow defying the very laws of gravity and physics themselves was a giant...something. Max hesitated to call it a sword because it clearly wasn't. If anything it resembled a giant, metallic, fleshy scythe, shimmering bleakly with the souls of the damned. It screamed vile on an almost primordial level, and just looking at it made her head hurt. How he sat in the chair with that thing was beyond her...and _notimportantrightnow!_

Girl!

Gun!

Bathroom!

Running out of time!

"Look, I need to go! I don't have time for this!"

Bolting to her feet she tried to push past him, only to find he'd moved to block her; inexplicably shifting from one plane of existence to another to bar her path.

Then he noticed her expression.

"What?" came the frown. "Why the long face? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

By now, Max was sorely confused.

Try as she might, she couldn't bring herself to understand what was happening; she knew on some level that she had to save the blue-haired girl from the bathroom, but "Naruto" seemed intent on barring her way until she answered his questions. That left her glowering at the interloper, powerless to make him budge. Out of sheer desperation she rewound time and tried to step around him; only to find her way barred yet again at the very moment she ceased affecting time as the hulking blond once more moved to intercept her, a hand locking around her wrist.

"Let me go!"

"Oho!" he grinned, tugging her close. "Sneaky! I didn't sense a thing!"

"What do you want?!"

Incredibly, this time, the rogue answered.

"Aha," he snapped his fingers jarringly. "And now we get reach the _heart_ of the matter. As I said before, I'm Naruto, your average orange, ramen-eating, prank-loving, dimension hopping deity, who happened to be in the neighborhood when I felt that little ripple in time just now. That's a pretty neat gift you've got there." absently he eyed her hand, turning it over in his grasp. "Its not chakra-based, so I'm willing to guess you didn't train to get it. This universe doesn't have chakra, so not a bloodline. So? How'd you do it?"

"I don't know, okay?!" Max railed against him, struggling to escape the vice on her wrist to no avail, "It just happened! Just move, damnit! I don't have time for this shit!"

Naruto scoffed.

"On the contrary, you have plenty of time!"

 _"Please!"_

To her disbelief, it actually worked.

"Done."

Naruto simply released her wrist and let her stumble past. Freed from his grasp Max tripped backwards, nearly slamming into Mr. Jefferson's frozen form. Somehow she managed to skirt around the petrified teacher by the narrowest of margins as she hastened for the door. She half-expected to find herself blocked again by the bemused blond but no-incredibly the door turned easily in her hand, even as the rest of the room remained unmoving like so much glacial ice around her. Disbelieving, she risked a glance back at him, only to find the horned deity absently fiddling with a speck of dirt beneath his nails.

"Why'd you let go?" she whispered.

"I said, done." Naruto replied cheerily. "All you had to do was ask nicely. Buh-bye Maxy. Say hi to Chloe for me! I'll be visiting you later!

 _"Huh?"_

"Oops, spoilers! Just go!"

To the deity's disbelief, she actually dithered a moment, waffling beneath those words. But in the end her own anxiety-and the need to be a good person-took over and she bolted like a deer in the headlights. He'd have to help her get over that crippling fear and shyness someday. Ah, but there would be time for that later! Ha! Time. As easy as it might seem to some, stopping time in a localized space wasn't exactly kid's stuff. Draining didn't even begin to describe it. Forcibly fucking reality and _rewinding_ it altogether, that was another matter. Even he couldn't do that with impunity.

Ah, but Max Caulfield could.

As many times as she wanted.

In that instant, Naruto liked this girl.

She had s _pirit!_

Even so, the horned deity waited until he was wholly certain she'd gone. He didn't want her getting caught up in what he was about to attempt. Oh, he would eventually unbend reality and let all events flow down their predetermined pathways. Until he decided to subvert them, that is. Subverting was so fun~! Like he'd done with those little birds way in Shinto Teito back when. He'd always thought turning the entire capital inside out and splattering Minaka's remains across it was one of his finest feats. The universe hadn't even fought him on that one!

But this time, in the coming days, he was determined to exceed even that.

He was going to push this world until it finally pushed back.

Whatever forces or deities ruled this humdrum world did _not_ enjoy being fucked with. Fate did not savor subversion and destiny _despised_ being denied. Chloe Price was meant to die today. They had decreed it. The loom had been spun, her thread measured, the scissors readied. Yet, because of Max's strange gift, her thread was not cut. Chloe lived on. So Fate and Destiny-so used to having their way-threw a hissy fit. Thus, they lashed out in a series of cascading events that threatened to destroy everything as she'd ever known.

A fact he was relying on.

Pressure reality enough, and they'd make an appearance. Push anyone-or anything-hard enough and they'd either lash out or simply run away. Naruto was banking on the former.

They'd show, sooner or later.

And once they did, he'd have all he wanted and more.

There was a silence. And then.

And then:

Naruto grinned.

"Boys!"

Whistling softly to himself, he materialized a bucket of pain in one hand, and a paintbrush in the other. A thought summoned a handful of clones, each armed with similar implements. Each knew their task from the very moment of their birth; each did not need to be told what to do. They did not ask questions. They simply did as they were told. Of course, one would be lying if he said they didn't enjoy their assignments. They were part of him after all, and there was a certain impish gleam in their eyes as they awaited his command.

As such, Naruto took great relish in declaring:

"Execute protocol Orange Gamma!"

The first of his four copies saluted and leaped through the nearest window, shards of glass drifting lazily through the air at his departure.

The second performed an about face and phased into the floor.

The third gathered itself up and shot into the ceiling.

The fourth simply took the door.

Naruto took a moment to savor the chaos that was to come.

Then he advanced on Jefferson, brush in hand.

 _"Let the games begin!"_

 **A/N: And there we go.**

 **ALL HELL IS ABOUT TO BREAK LOOSE~!**

 **Also!**

 **Noodlehammer is alive! He hadn't updated in a while, so I was really starting to worry for a bit, there.**

 **Oh, and in case ya'll didn't know, his BRILLIANT "Reaching for a Dream" fic was what inspired me to first make the "Not Going Home" series as a whole. Collaborating with him would be a dream come true, but sadly I don't think that's going to happen in this lifetime. Still, kudos to the man himself for ever being an inspiration and a wonderful writer on this site!**

 **Check out his works!**

 **While we're on the subject, a few people have asked what would happen if his Naruto and mine ever went at it.**

 **Besides utter CHAOS?**

 **I can say with the utmost certainty that I'm certain HIS Naruto would beat mine into paste. Without a doubt. Oh, it'd be a fun fight, but my Naruto isn't known for fighting. He's more a laidback "fix your shit or I'll fix it for you" kind of guy with a complex for helping anyone who needs it. He doesn't wrestle with deities and other superpowers on a daily basis and he doesn't know half of what "Reaching for a Dream" Naruto does when it comes to Senjutsu and sealing. Alternatively he isn't the best at picking his battles, while Noodlehammer's is practically a damn veteran when it comes to taking high-class foes apart.**

 **Also, Naruto AND Xanna versus my Naruto? Yeah, two on one guarantees almost instant death, there.**

 **Now that I'm done singing the man's praises...**

 **So...in the immortal words Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview! We advance further unto canon next chapter!**

 **(Preview)**

 _"You know, its been awhile since I've met someone who could mess with time."_

 _Max frowned._

 _...and what are you suggesting?" she asked pertly._

 _Impossibly, the blond's grin grew._

 _"How would you like to become a Goddess, Miss Caufield?"_

 _The silence was telling._

 _"Okay, twist my arm why don't you!" the blond muttered. "I'll even include your friend Chloe."_

 _...pretty sure you shouldn't."_

 _Naruto blinked._

 _"Really? I think she'd be perfect."_

* * *

 _Naruto grinned._

 _It was all teeth._

 _"You have one second to shoot me, Nathan-kun. If you don't, you lose the arm. Of course if you do, I'll BREAK the arm."_

 _"Fuck you!"_

 _"Wrong!"_

 _Prescott might be a big name where Blackwell Academy was concerned, but Naruto had no way of knowing that. Nor did he particularly care, for that matter. So when the entitled little twat squeezed off a shot, Naruto retaliated the only way he knew how. With excessive force. Breaking the brat's arm. Followed by his leg._

 _Muscle memory was a hell of a thing._

 _"See, you should've just shot yourself. Would've been easier!"_

 _"Do you have any idew who I am?!"_

 _"Nope!_ _And the other arm goes breeeeeaaaak~!"_

 _"AARGH!"_

 **Hope ya liked it! R &R! =D**


	2. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

**A/N: REVIEW FOR IT FEEDS MY ENGINE OF CREATION!**

 **Seriously, though. Getting feedback helps keep the 'ole gears turning.**

 **Once again, the "Not Going Home" series isn't meant to be taken seriously. Its meant to be enjoyed and laughed at.** **In that vein, I've gotten my hands on a copy of Life is Strange: Before the Storm, and its addicting. Really revamped my inspiration...**

 **...and broke my heart to pieces. ESPECIALLY that Farewell episode. I plan to address that tragedy.**

 **...alas, there's a bit of a shadow cast over this chapter today, because some people, SOME PEOPLE, decided they'd rather hurt others than appreciate Life is Strange.** **Freaking spamming me in anonymous reviews no less, for crying out loud!** **Life is Ramen got a lot of them, ones that have since been removed, but irk me all the same. No, scratch that. I'm actually genuinely angry right now.**

 **Gonna address two of them below, so, yeah. Rant incoming:**

 **Boblets-whoever you are-I understand you're pissed about Naruto being nerfed in a story, but there's no need for that language.** **If you're going to be a dick about it and claim that I'm "nerfing" Naruto, why are you even reading?! You keep doing this and in all honesty, I'm getting tired of it.**

 **Next!**

 **Alright, to the chap known as "BD" who claims I'm losing my touch, you're the first to say that. That's literally all you said. Nothing more. Nothing less. Congratulations. Let's give him a big round of applause, folks! You even reviewed anonymously to keep me from replying to you in any way, shape, or form! Clever! If you're going to insult me, at least give me a venue to reply so we can discuss things like adults. I make no profit doing this, and dedicate a good chunk of my free time to writing in spite of my busy life/schedule. EXCUSE me for trying to update some of my older stories. No, actually? Don't.**

 **I don't make anyone read my stuff. People choose to do so.**

 **Even when I write something silly and lighthearted to cheer others up** **you still feel the need to say that to me?** **If this is what I get for trying to actually FINISH stories then fuck it.** **I'm not going to put effort into something if I just get fucking attacked for trying. Oh my, did I curse? Yes, I did. Congratulations. You've managed to make an already crappy day for me even worse, which I'm sure was your intention. I hope you're happy. I hope you're bloody _satisfied_ for being so damn petty that you had to shout it to the world! Sod off! But I'm sure you won't because like Boblets, you enjoy trying to tear others down. **

**Maybe I should just a sodding break after this before I lose my mind...**

 **Please note, I'm not angry with the rest of you.**

 **With colder regards to those responsible,**

 **~NZ.**

 **Title is a nod to the tattoo we see Rachel get at the end of Before the Storm.**

 _"Ah, Time! The great enemy!"_

 _"Fuuuck Time. Time sucks."_

 _"Ha! On that we agree!"_

 _"We gonna do this?"_

 _"Hell yes we are!"_

 _"Arise!"_

 _~?_

 **The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo**

 _All is in readiness!_

 _My plan to screw this universe inside and out has finally begun. Honestly, it might be fun to see how much this world can take; how much I can push before it finally starts to push back. Its all in good fun, of course. When you're messing with something like "time" and "destiny" fate can get a little weird. Really weird. We're talking about turning reality inside out and upside down, followed by a good hard slap in the face. Flipping reality the bird, taking out the trash, I could go on and on, but that wouldn't be any fun now would it? In short, my to-do list consists of three items:_

 _Fucking fate._

 _Destroying destiny._

 _Tampering with time._

 _Raising the dead and spitting fire from the heavens! Sinking the town into the sea! That's what its all about, 'innit?_

 _Hey, I need to draw the gods of this universe out somehow._

 _And if said plan entails a little amusement, well..._

 _...let said plan commence in haste!_

 _With my very first victim!_

 _Say, I'll give you a hint._

 _...name starts with N._

* * *

 _(...A Heartbeat Later...)_

* * *

 _Some might call Nathan Prescott a tortured soul._

Others lovingly referred to him as a complete and utter bastard.

Anyone who had the misfortune of encountering him even once knew to steer clear. Those who didn't evaded him regardless. It wasn't just the family name or the Foundation in their name; anyone who was anyone knew the Prescotts were bad news. They owned Blackwell and by definition, Arcadia Bay. Whomever crossed them either found themselves buried in litigation or simply...gone. Sometimes it happened to you regardless of either choice or circumstances. In short, Nathan, and by definition the Prescott family were to be avoided at all costs...unless one had a death wish.

Of course, none of this meant anything to a dimension-hopping deity.

It had proven almost pitifully easy to corner the boy in his dorm room. He hadn't even locked the door. A quick tap was all it took for him to open, and from there the rest went downhill. For all his sense of entitlement and apparent psychosis Nathan Prescott was very much an average human being. One "soft" punch was all it took to lay him out flat on the floor. From there it was merely a matter of dragging him inside and sealing the door behind. After that, he simply needed to wait for the boy to come around.

Which led him to his present predicament.

He was trying to decide if he should just break the little fucker's neck in his sleep and be done with it. Truth be told, Nathan had nothing he needed. Nor did he have anything to offer, for that matter. Well, not any longer at any rate. A glimpse into his tormented mind had revealed his past misdeeds _-such as where he'd both killed and stashed Rachel Amber-_ and a rap sheet a mile long. Killing him now would likely be a mercy compared to what this world had in store for him. Correcting his "issues" would only be a stopgap measure at best. Troubled though he might be, he'd done terrible things. Terrible, horrible things.

This was as much for his own sake as anyone else's.

After all, for his "plan" to succeed, he couldn't allow for any interference.

Which meant Nathan simply had to go.

He had yet to decide _how._

It would be a simply matter to just teleport him to the middle of the Atlantic and let him drown. Or strand him in the Sahara. Mayhaps drop him from from orbit? Perhaps he could simply wipe his memories? That'd be the less grisly option of the four, but at the same time it felt entirely too merciful. This young man had hurt others. Ruined lives. All the while refusing to take responsibility for his actions. Just today, he would have murdered someone if not for Max's timely-ha!-intervention at the last second. No, this had gone beyond the point of forgiveness, and he wasn't inclined to let the authorities sort it out. Especially when one considered said authority was likely in Prescott's pocket.

In the end, the choice was taken from him.

With a coughing grunt, the high school student raise his gaze...

...and froze.

One could imagine Nathan's train of thought; after all, it wasn't everyday one woke to find themselves face to face with deity. Considering said deity was sitting seiza-style on his bed while indulging in a piping hot bowl of ramen, such shock was to be expected. Fear. Anger. Confusion. Under any other circumstance it would've been amusing to see the boy soil himself. Alas, fear got old after the first century. Ramen, however? Never. As the wandering god savored his favorite treat, he watched all these emotions and more chase one another across the boy's face.

Eventually his flight or fight response finally kicked in.

"W-W-Who the hell are you?!" he sputtered, scrambling backwards like a drunken crab. "How did you get in here?!"

Naruto opened his mouth to speak, only to realize he'd stuffed it full of noodles.

Oops.

Swallowing, he offered a small sigh.

"Do you really want those to be your last words, Nathan?"

Scrambling, the youth reared and snatched a gun from under the bed.

"Stay back! I don't know who the hell you are, but if you take one more step...!"

 _'Seriously?'_

Naruto came to this conclusion as he stared down at the barrel of the gun.

When he'd first discovered them eons ego, he'd been mildly amused by the concept of a gun. Even going so far as to call it adorable. It was rather amusing when one thought about it; when people didn't possess the skill necessary to use their bodies properly, they compensated with technology. He'd half-expected the things to shoot kunai at first! Such a novel little thing that he hadn't even considered it a threat. Even less so considering his divinity. Against a god, bullets were about as useful as a stick. Naturally, Nathan had no way of knowing this. He assumed the situation was firmly under control.

How wrong he was.

"I said, who the hell are you?!"

"Rachel Amber. Name ring a bell?"

The gun-toting student went stiff as a board. Ah. There was the fear. He could see it in his face, feel it in his every moment. It merely confirmed his suspicions.

"I could lie and say I'm here to avenge her, but honestly?" Rising, he set the bowl aside and stood, towering over him. "I just don't like you."

Of course Nathan tried to shoot him, then.

When that little pea-shooter launched a lead projectile into his shoulder and tore his jacket, Naruto's vague amusement became secondary.

Kicking the little shit's ass?

Primary.

Damn shame, though. He'd liked that coat.

"Congratulations." growling, he touched two fingers to the hole in his torso. "You pissed me off. Hope it was worth it. I'll give you one more shot, Nathan-kun." he beckoned, waving the bloodied digits at him. "If you don't, you lose the arm. Of course if you do, I'll BREAK your leg. Your choice, bub."

"But I...you...but that's...impossible! How?!"

Naruto merely grinned in reply.

"Fuck you, that's how."

It was all teeth.

Ground.

The floor of the dormitory rushed up at Natha

Prescott might've been a big name where Blackwell Academy was concerned, but that only mattered as far as mortals were concerned. For someone who had no connection to Blackwell, or even Arcadia bay, names and titles meant nothing. Nor did he particularly care about them, for that matter. So when the entitled little twit screamed and squeezed off another shot, Naruto paid it no mind. Though shot struck him dead center in the chest, he simply shrugged it off and returned the favor. Retaliated the only way he knew how. With excessive force. First, by breaking the brat's arm. Followed by his leg.

Muscle memory was a hell of a thing.

"Do you have any idea who I am?!"

"Nope! And the other arm goes breeeeeaaaak~!"

"AARGH!

"You know, I've finally decided what to do with you!" the blond's voice trickled into his ear, rife with venom. "You should be grateful! You're actually going to be useful for once in your life!"

"What are you...?"

"Hmm?" the whiskered warrior blinked, unfazed by his tears. "I'm going to use you to bring Rachel back to life, of course. Seems fitting, considering you killed her. Or was it Jefferson? Never can tell between the timelines these days. Eh," he gave a small shrug, and reached outward, fingers parting the air like a curtain of fell light. "Doesn't matter. Result'll be the same by the end. Off we go!"

Before Nathan's eyes reality unfolded.

As though someone had cut through the fabric of space, so too did the very air itself to reveal a writhing vortex of black light within. Could light be black? He wondered about that. Whatever it-this portal-was, something in him quailed at the sight of it. Cold air wafted through the tear between the two of them, chilling the boy to his very bones. By the time he realized what the blond intended to do with him, it was already too late to escape, much less fight back. Not that he could. Strong arms hefted him upright as if he were a football hefted by a prize quarterback.

"Oi! Try not to land on your head!"

Then lobbed him through it.

Searing blindness burned against his retina for a blazing second. Then he was through, tumbling to the ground in a heap of broken limbs, agony burning through him in every instant. Momentum dragged his crippled body across broken junk and rusted steel, battering him. Bruising him. By the time velocity finally had his say, his very spirit ached.

Groaning, he tried-and failed-to lever himself upright on his good arm.

No.

He knew this place. Knew it like the back of his hand. And how could he not?

Ruined cars heaped among moldering refuse. Every imaginable piece of trashed junk, all crammed together in one place and left to die. A ramshackle building hastily cobbled by bricks, propped up by sheets of metal. Train tracks leading off into the night, stretching as far as the eye could see. No. He couldn't be here. They'd been at the dorms. This was impossible. Ridiculous. Absurd. They couldn't possibly be...!

"Yes, I believe she's buried around here."

 _This wasn't happening._

This absolutely, couldn't be happening to him.

If it was happening it must be a dream.

Because if it wasn't...!

"You piece of-

His words found themselves muffled as the blond turned and cuffed him on the jaw. The acrid tang of blood filled his mouth and he gagged, spitting. Even as he lay there, retching, his would-be killer went to work. A boot crunched down against his back when he made the mistake of trying to rise. Once. Twice. Thrice until finally, as all things go...

...something snapped.

Oh, god. He couldn't feel his legs!

"Quiet now," Naruto hummed, running a crimson hand across the soil in an unfolding series of inscriptions. "Do hold still, ya know. This is a very tricky jutsu, even for me. Wouldn't do to screw up and accidentally summon Cthulhu or...ah. There we go." As he looked on, his captor completed the intricate runes. "Just put a bit of flesh here, and...there!"

Grinning, he clasped both hands together.

 _"Edo Tensei."_

Nathan felt, rather than saw the blaze of unholy light erupt from the seals painstakingly traced in blood, countless hands of crimson ebony and darkened scarlet racing as one toward him. A scream formed, struggled, died in his throat. But although his mind failed him a desperate part of his body somehow saw them for what they were; death, danger and despair. Frantically, he attempted to slink away. Despite his mangled limbs, he made a better attempt of it than most. Indeed, he nearly made it. Nearly escaped. For all the good it did him.

"Oops!"

Rather than let him flee, his captor simply plucked him off the ground and deposited him back within the circle once more.

"No, no, no." he admonished, wagging a finger. "No running. You don't get to run after all you've done."

An icy hand closed around Nathan's ankle, and _this_ time, he found the strength to scream. To shriek and shout and snarl as innumerable hands wrapped around him, enfolding him int their bitter embrace. Like a swarm of starving locusts they descended upon him, devouring flesh and cloth alike, sparing naught. Leaving nothing behind. Ruined soil and clay rose up around him, a serpent of death coiling about his body with a heart stopping hiss. No, he realized. _His_ heart was stopping. Grinding to a final halt as the technique squeezed the last embers of life from his fading soul and used it to call another.

This...this was death.

Darkness encroached on the corners of his vision.

"No! Stop! I'm sorry!" he cried. "Please! Please _don't-_

With that last muffled shriek, Nathan Presscott was swallowed whole.

All that remained of his body was a vaguely human form enclosed in clay.

Naruto lowered his hands, appraising his handiwork for a long moment, awaiting a response.

"Right, then." he murmured. "Hope I haven't lost my touch or we're gonna have a really bad ending here...

Grunting, he rapped both hands together, palms colliding in a stubborn burst of sound. Stirred by the sound, earthen paper crumbled away to dust.

"Aha! There we go!"

Revealed was a striking young woman clad in a faded blue shirt and nothing more. The ruined blue cloth hung over her quivering body like a tent, concealing her figure from view while simultaneously preserving some tiny modicum of modesty on her part. Not so her hair. A curtain of chestnut brown hair spilled her back, rising and falling in quick, unsteady breaths. A pair of strikingly dark eyes fluttered open, as though waking from a long and terrible nightmare. Blinked. Narrowed. Widened. Shaky hands rose with silent fear, touching at their face in disbelief. Her head whipped back and forth like a puppet severed from its strings, fractured skin threatening to crack from the savage moments.

"I," she croaked, her voice rough from lack of use, "What is this...where am I?"

Naruto gently tapped her once on the shoulder.

"Rachel, right? Can you hear me?"

 _"What?!"_

She rounded on him with a start, trying to both stand and face him in the same moment. To say that she failed would've been an understatement. Her legs twisted beneath her and the undead girl flopped forward, trying and failing to catch herself in her disarray. For his part, Naruto let her be. In this form she could scarcely move, let alone speak. Edo Tensei wasn't a terribly kind jutsu in that regard. Of course, she wouldn't be in such a state for long. This form was merely a stopgap, an easy workaround as opposed to crafting a fresh body from scratch. Most would have allowed to let her take everything in at her own pace, let her adjust before throwing her headlong into chaos.

Naruto-most assuredly-wasn't most people.

"Hmm. Guess you can't really respond to me like this," he mused, thumbing his chin. "Time for plan B, then! RINNE TENSEI!"

"Wait, what are you _-ack?!"_

Slitted blue orbs burned a violent shade of rimmed violet and Rachel Amber-writhed in shock for but a moment, her mouth opening and closing wordlessly. But there was no pain. None, whatsoever. Heedless of her minor discomfort, the technique burned through her in a heady rush of chakra, bathing her body in green relief. If returning to life left one with an absence of sensation, then this was the opposite. As if she'd gone numb and all of her body, her everything, were slowly stirring after a long sleep. By contrast, Rinne Tensei was an extraordinarily effective jutsu. In return for its great power, it demanded much of the user, and could even bring them close to death...were they mortal. As divinity, Naruto held no such limits and neither did this technique. It felt as though she'd stepped into a warm pool.

The dead look left her eyes.

Fell earth became supple pink skin.

Broken fissures in her skin fused, then faded altogether.

Swaddled in jade light, she looked on in disbelief, wincing as sensation returned to her fingers. Her wrists. Arms. Chest. Legs. Toes. Warmth pervaded her every pore, washing away the all-consuming numbness that had consumed the core of her unliving being only moments ago. Then it surged deeper still, cleansing the mind as much as the body. Easing her anxiety, soothing her fears, wiping away the worry. Not erasing them-for that was not the purpose of this jutsu-yet leaving her at ease all the same. One might have called it the ultimate high, and she gave herself to it gladly.

And then it was done.

Before her very eyes the light faded, leaving her alone in the night.

Realization flooded her and she instinctively clutched at her shirt. Dead. She'd been dead. Memories came rushing back, and with them, anger. Not fear; she was long past fear, and into glacial, frozen rage. Liquid nitrogen would've been hard pressed to match the intensity of her emotions at this moment. Another memory struck her out of the blue, and her fury momentarily thawed. She remembered. Images of sunlight dappled with honey like silk. Raucous laughter. Fingers caressing her face, and the heady rush of warmth that followed. There, over all that anger, all that hate, a stronger emotion. An image. A face. A person.

 _Chloe._

Humming softly, Naruto patted the rejuvenated teenager on the head.

"There we are. Welcome back. How're you feeling there, kiddo?"

Part of him couldn't help but worry how she might react.

After all, she'd been dead for quite some time.

In the end, he needn't have worried in the least; for Rachel's hand rose, seeking his. Trembling fingers tightened around his palm, squeezing with a frightful intensity. Ah. He knew that look. That blazing glow in her eyes, warm embers threatening to blaze into a roaring fire at the slightest provocation. Yes, he knew expression well. Far be it from him to get between that. Pulling back, he helped the brunette to her feet, one hand steadying her shoulder as she stumbled. Whatever fear might've lurked in her gaze was replaced by that single-minded desire...and perhaps a hint of curiosity.

"Who...who are you?"

Ah, curiosity it was, then.

"No one important. Just your neighborhood Naruto."

He couldn't tell if that remark amused Rachel.

"I...Chloe. I need to see her. Now."

Gentle laughter greeted her.

 _"I can arrange that."_

 **A/N: And there we go.**

 **Naruto and the girls are going to tear this world apart, in more ways than one.**

 **ALL HELL IS ABOUT TO BREAK LOOSE~!**

 **Also!**

 **Noodlehammer is alive! He hadn't updated in a while, so I was really starting to worry for a bit, there.**

 **Oh, and in case ya'll didn't know, his BRILLIANT "Reaching for a Dream" fic was what inspired me to first make the "Not Going Home" series as a whole. Collaborating with him would be a dream come true, but sadly I don't think that's going to happen in this lifetime. Still, kudos to the man himself for ever being an inspiration and a wonderful writer on this site!**

 **Check out his works!**

 **While we're on the subject, a few people have asked what would happen if his Naruto and mine ever went at it.**

 **Besides utter CHAOS?**

 **I can say with the utmost certainty that I'm certain HIS Naruto would beat mine into paste. Without a doubt. Oh, it'd be a fun fight, but my Naruto isn't known for fighting. He's more a laidback "fix your shit or I'll fix it for you" kind of guy with a complex for helping anyone who needs it. He doesn't wrestle with deities and other superpowers on a daily basis and he doesn't know half of what "Reaching for a Dream" Naruto does when it comes to Senjutsu and sealing. Alternatively he isn't the best at picking his battles, while Noodlehammer's is practically a damn veteran when it comes to taking high-class foes apart.**

 **Also, Naruto AND Xanna versus my Naruto? Yeah, two on one guarantees almost instant death, there.**

 **Now that I'm done singing the man's praises...**

 **So...in the immortal words Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview! We advance further unto chaos next chapter!**

 **(Previews)**

 _"Yeah...you're fired."_

 _Wells balked._

 _"You can't just..._

 _"Can! Am! Did! Anything else?!"_

* * *

 _"Ladies and gentlemen, for one night only, I give you William Price! Back from the dead!"_

 _"I...this...you're hella awesome!"_

 _"Yes, yes, I have been called that on occasion CHLOE?!"_

 _A startled squawk burst out of him as she all but tackled him to the ground._

* * *

 _"Heeeeeellllooooooo mister Jefferson! Can I get an autograph?"_

 _"I don't give au-URK?!"_

 _A muffled wheeze left his gut as a crimson hand exploded out his back. No pause. No preamble. Just swift, instant agony. Oh, was there agony. A hand of endless fire slammed down his spine, wrapping its blazing fingers in his guts, writhing and twisting like maggots. The limb twisted in the wound, and he doubled over it with a choking gasp._

 _Somehow, he managed to cough._

 _"I was kidding about the autograph bit, of course." His killer hummed. "I just had to see if you'd fall for it."_

 _"Who...?"_

 _"Not who, my good fellow!" the whiskered warrior clapped him hard on the back, eliciting a fresh wave of pain in his sternum. "What! When! Where! Why! How! Tell me, have you ever had you entrails stretched out across a city block? No? Ever been revived, killed, only to be revived again in an endless cycle? Well..._

 _Blue eyes gleamed red._

 _...you're about to."_

 **Hope ya liked it! R &R! =D**


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